This was written by a very dear friend 🙂 I thank her for her contribution.
They say you (ideally usually) only get married once so enjoy the moment – and celebrate! Women are the most pro-active believers and followers of this theory. But when celebrations are talked about, us Pakistanis, the ones who also consider ourselves to be very-practicing Muslims, often indulge in questions like …is this celebration haraam or halaal. Women are the most pro-active at discussing this topic too…because who really cares about going in the slums and trying to sit with families, figuring out n trying to solve their problems (when we pay our servants generously any ways), or who really cares about where a sister-in-Islam is being raped and killed by a foreign soldier, or who really cares how many Muslims are being bombarded in the name of war-on-terror in your own country leave alone any other, or which leader is being unjust, or which 10 year old has a dying father or an abused mother, 8 younger siblings with no clothes and no food, and you know other such menial questions. What matters more really is that we can keep a “somber” face, “appear” very humble and prove that we are the true, caring, practicing Muslims.
I actually might be misinterpreting the entire matter, misunderstanding fellow sisters-in-faith but I recently have been intrigued by an interesting topic of discussion and have been spending my time thinking and semi-researching over it. Surrounded by a gazillion engaged girls (figuratively speaking) our shallow minds have not been able to think beyond wedding shopping and preparations…and ofcourse the islamic way of doing things – and ofcourse who can be more islamic than the other. Topics like segregation or no segregations, girls dancing or not dancing, Rs. 3 lakh worth bridal clothes or 50K worth, lots of gold jewelry for the locker or wearable jewelry are all ancient topics – we have entered the realms of more interesting debates…like whether the bridal dress should be brand new or second hand?!?
I was recently told by a friend that her cousin in Lahore believes that it is the sunnah to wear second-hand clothes, in urdu what you say an “utran” – this is a tradition of Hazrat Ayesha radi Allah taala anha. In order to pay respects to that tradition, she was honored to wear a 12 lakh dress made by a top designer Omer Saeed that was first worn by a close friend’s of the bride (at her own wedding). May I only add that the dress was sleeveless and not your most traditionally, islamically appropriately designed one. It has only raised a number of questions in my mind, like where do we tell ourselves to stop when following traditions – what were things that we need to understand had socio-economic factors leading to them and whether God has really asked us to follow each and every tradition of the ummahatul mumineen. Forget that too, let’s suppose we are to follow every thing, then does wearing a top designers 10 lakh jora justify the purpose. Is the message of beauty in simplicity more important, or the fact that i can tell my servant watching me walk in as a bride question “wow rich people have rich friends with a 12 lakh jora” where every mother sitting in that wedding would wonder if she could be wealthy enough to socialize with people wearing such expensive dresses too. I wonder what our message is and are we trying to understand the true spirit of why the ummahat ul mumineen behaved the way they did, what was the message the Holy Prophet (pbuh) was trying to get across and what point are we trying to make?
Intrigued my brother and I began researching the authenticity of this tradition – we still do not know so can’t bring a conclusion to the table…funny thing is the person propagating this sunnah has only “heard” it from someone else and does not know the authenticity either. Authentic or not, whether we really need to follow the tradition of a second-hand bridal dress or not, the person I know has sent a number of brides-to-be and brides-from-the-past into a complete guilt trip…such is what Allah taala wants really too:)
What we have been able to muster though so far is, an Ibn-e-Katheer tradition that says that Ayesha ra’s bridal dress came from Bahrain and it was a red-striped dress. In this era, Islam was still not brought to Bahrain, however the dress travelled long distance. It could be that Bahraini traders brought clothes as part of their trade which was enjoyed popularly then – the Ibn-e-Katheer tradition did not elaborate whether the dress was second-hand or not (the possibility still lies open). The Holy Prophet loved wearing Yemeni teh-bund (excuse my limited English vocabulary).
Another tradition says that the Holy Prophet (pbuh) made a new bridal dress for his daughter Fatima ra. Her new dress was in the house, when a fakir came to their house. When she went in to get an old dress, the Holy Prophet reminded her of the ayah which says that part with that which you love the most. Hazrat Fatima ra then gave her new bridal dress to the fakir instead. What is the message here that is worth more notice – whether we should be generous in charity or is it that we make a new bridal dress? Yet again, or is the message that we wear a second hand dress like Hazrat Ayesha’s or is the message that if we cannot afford a new dress should we kill our lives over buying that new dress. Is the message that wearing what you can afford is a sin, or is the message that we give in charity what we can wear ourselves an act worth sawaab.
Imam Abu Hanifa was a wealthy man who enjoyed wearing expensive clothes. He would wear clothes worth 40K dirhams in every jamaat that he led ( not sure if it means every jamaat 5 times a day, or once a day, or just the jumaa jamaat so i apologize in advance for my lack of knowledge here). However, after each jamaat he would give his clothes in charity to someone else. He emphasized on the ayah that says that look beautiful because Allah loves beauty. Once a person came to the Holy Prophet wearing tattered clothes, and appearing unkempt overall – when the Holy Prophet inquired the reason behind it, the person replied back saying something along the lines that it was his expression of taqwa. The Holy Prophet reiterated Allah’s love for beauty and asked him to change. Whether he changed into second-hand clothes but clean and appearing well, or brand new clothes would understandably be his choice, depending on his socio-economic reasons. At least that is my understanding of it.